Secret Sins vs Surrender

Today I have been struggling. Not so much that I don't know what to do, but that in my two year old rebellios stage I'm fighting with God trying to hold onto some things that He wants me to surrender. I don't do surrender very well. I wonder who does. We hold onto things that will ultimately hurt us, hurt others, cause rifts in friendships and most important of all, we become separated from God in our tantrum stage.

Today the prophecy site to which I subscribe nailed it. It said that God wasn't going to stop convicting me and that He would "make the offense very clear to me." It said also that if I chose to cooperate I would be delighted with "liberty".

Now I think we all want liberty and freedom in our lives. Sometimes I use that liberty as license and make the wrong choices, which, sadly I have been guilty of for a little while now. Oh, the earth won't stop whirling on its axis because of these choices but daily I get less and less comfortable in my own skin. Not having anyone BUT God to check up on my behavior, nor to confide in, I have to slink back and once again repent. He doesn't require the "slinking" you understand but that's what I do. He says, "come boldly to my throne of grace and find mercy." I translate that is creep in making as little noise as possible and whisper, "it's me again, I messed up." I guess He knows that I'm going to mess up. He is God after all.

I look around me at some of the situations that are happening in the lives of people I care about. My life is pretty easy compared to theirs. So who am I to grumble or complain. God doesn't NOT hear my prayers, I know that. But I think that sometimes He must get very tired of complaints, whining and the egregious behavior I exhibit.

Time to start tucking my shoes under my bed at night so when I'm down on my knees I can get in some face time with my loving Father. Then too, comes the dawn and I have to get back down and while I'm there say, "Goodmorning, God. Thank you for a new day." And btw, "thanks for your grace!" Gee, I needed that!

Katie

February comes to a close

Well, I see it's nearly a month since I last wrote here. A lot has happened during this, the shortest month of the year. A relationship was broken, another cemented stronger than before. My grand-daughter has had a mysterious incident which has left her with a stutter. I have become somewhat disenchanted with my job but need to continue plugging along because I know it's where God wants me right now.

God is always so faithful, even when I am not. He comes through for me every time with just the right solutions to my problems, or just the right reading fairly jumps off the pages of my devotionals. I get an inspiration and a confirmation, or just a Word in Due Season. All in all I know I serve a loving God who never fails me.

I've been in contact with an old friend this month. She's floundering in a sea of doubt, a sea of her own making. She's always been one to cling to conspiracy theories and I see her bobbing about on waves of too much worldly thinking and too much fear. I can pray for her, it's the most powerful gift I can offer but I wish I could get her to hear. She has turned a deaf ear to God. In fact she thinks that everyone else is crazy for believing in Jesus. I doubt she'd read Stroble, or "More than a Carpenter". Pray for her too will you? God knows who she is. And while you are on your knees, pray for my grand-daughter. Perhaps in this awkward ailment she will find that Jesus heals and find that He came to save her because He loves her just the way she is. My old congregation used to tell me "come as you are and be loved." I think that's a welcome everyone would love to hear. How about you?

Katie

A tough week

It's been a very long, very difficult week. I am always amazed when God puts His fingerprints on the solution to a problem that has me baffled. This week such a situation arose and there was a lot of pain connected to the solution of that problem. People got involved that didn't need to be and someone was hurt although the hurt was unintentional. Why is it we get in our own way so many times and try to run the show only to find out we didn't have control at all and in the fallout people get hurt and wounded because of our stubbornness or our carnality or rebellion or as in this case because of all three?

Tonight things seem to be more settled than they have all week and I know it's because I am trying hard to listen to God and not "lean on my own understanding." It is when I think I have all these "rights" or I "deserve" something that really isn't God's best that I stumble myself and others. People do need to take risks but they ought to consult with their Heavenly Father before blindly rushing into the sea like some half crazed lemming. It saves a lot of repentance if you only ask for directions and then follow the leading of the Holy Spirit instead of going your own way, making your own plans and then asking God to bless those plans rather than His own.

Katie