Today I have been struggling. Not so much that I don't know what to do, but that in my two year old rebellios stage I'm fighting with God trying to hold onto some things that He wants me to surrender. I don't do surrender very well. I wonder who does. We hold onto things that will ultimately hurt us, hurt others, cause rifts in friendships and most important of all, we become separated from God in our tantrum stage.
Today the prophecy site to which I subscribe nailed it. It said that God wasn't going to stop convicting me and that He would "make the offense very clear to me." It said also that if I chose to cooperate I would be delighted with "liberty".
Now I think we all want liberty and freedom in our lives. Sometimes I use that liberty as license and make the wrong choices, which, sadly I have been guilty of for a little while now. Oh, the earth won't stop whirling on its axis because of these choices but daily I get less and less comfortable in my own skin. Not having anyone BUT God to check up on my behavior, nor to confide in, I have to slink back and once again repent. He doesn't require the "slinking" you understand but that's what I do. He says, "come boldly to my throne of grace and find mercy." I translate that is creep in making as little noise as possible and whisper, "it's me again, I messed up." I guess He knows that I'm going to mess up. He is God after all.
I look around me at some of the situations that are happening in the lives of people I care about. My life is pretty easy compared to theirs. So who am I to grumble or complain. God doesn't NOT hear my prayers, I know that. But I think that sometimes He must get very tired of complaints, whining and the egregious behavior I exhibit.
Time to start tucking my shoes under my bed at night so when I'm down on my knees I can get in some face time with my loving Father. Then too, comes the dawn and I have to get back down and while I'm there say, "Goodmorning, God. Thank you for a new day." And btw, "thanks for your grace!" Gee, I needed that!
Katie
Friday, June 11, 2010
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